At Your Own Risk

Cherry Coke Is Hardcore.

February 18, 2006

I Gots the Bomb Beats

Click Click Ding

Click Click Ding

Ah, mid nineties teenage white wannabe rappers. On the metro transit bus. And I still remember over 10 years later. Hilarious.

There's been a lot of controversy in the news the last couple of weeks. Michael Jackson's conversion to Islam. The muslim world's reaction to a Danish cartoon that depicts Mohammed, The Vice President shooting a 78 year old man in the face, and a Russian cross country skier losing her silver medal due to a doping infraction.

The biggest story, however, is that WKRP in Cincinati is still not back on the air. I'm deeply saddened to report that after 17 years of being off air following the unsuccessful The New WKRP in Cincinati, WKRP has still not been picked up for a new season.

The Big Guy, Arthur Carlson (Gordon Jump), also know as the Maytag Man, is the only member of the cast to have passed away. Though not replaceable, they could certainly work around that with Andy Travis (Gary Sandy), in the lead role. Then they could make the two additions that make any show........

Mr. T and Gary Coleman. They could be called T&C, and could be the WKRP co-program directors. When Mr. T got mad at Herb, he could throw Gary Coleman at him. That'll teach Frank Bonner to wear white shoes and a white belt.

So in closing, WKRP good, doping bad.

Hey, I just realised the head of the World Doping Agency's name is Dick Pound

Heh heh heh heh........Dick Pound.

February 15, 2006

How To Irritate People

Since Wiggie did the self help-post about weight loss, I thought, how can I help people. Here's a few tips on how to irratate people.

Tip #1: Shower them with obviously false praise. If someone does something stupid, like, say, nails themselves to the roof, start praising their intelligence, all the while ignoring their cries for help. Use phrases that make it obvious that you're being insincere, like "You are SO smart" or "My chapter of Mensa is meeting at my house tonight, and they would just LOVE to meet you".

Tip #2: Walk up to a stranger and ask them an inane question, like "Do you know if it's going to rain today?". next, ignore their answer, and re-ask the question in exactly the same tone as you asked it the first time. Continue until the stranger leaves in frustration. At your own risk, you can watch where they go and follw a minute or two behind to repeat the process. Be careful if you choose to follow them. This is "How to Irritate People" not "How to get punched in the Mouth."

Tip #3: While at work, do nothing but sing bad R&B songs off key. When your boss comes to talk to you about it, only respond by increasing the volume.

Tip #4: Walk up to the same sex member of a couple in a public place, and act like you know them. Give them the hint you were in the 4th grade together, and then make them guess who you are. Whatever name they say, tell them they're right. Then, with a big smile on your face, say "Say, you remember when we killed that guy?". When they respond with "no" or "what?", change you expression to a serious one and say "That's right you don't." Then walk away confidently.

February 14, 2006


I hate snow.

Seriously, since I had my car accident because of it, snow has been my enemy. So, how elese do you deal with an enemy but writing a free form poem about it.

Clean and white, yet so dirty
Like the priest who has a secret addiction to MacIntosh's toffee
Almost sacreligious

When the first flake of the year hits the ground
The eyes of children twinkle with delight
So do the eyes of my chiropractor

Does the snow know that I have a three car driveway?
Of course it does
It finds that funny
And mocks me
By dumping itsself all over that driveway
And burying all three cars
Except a small area around one of them
Stupid piece of crap and its gas leak

Snow causes me to smoke
Not because I don't know that smoking is bad for me
Or because snow is stressful
But because I'm postive
The cigarettes won't get a chance to kill me
That's the snow's job

Whether it be by car accident or heart attack
I do not know
What the hell do I care?
Either way I'm permanently as cold
As snow.