At Your Own Risk

Cherry Coke Is Hardcore.

February 10, 2006

Best Way To Break the News You've Been Laid Off

At my work everyone, pretty much except me, was laid off this week. I wasn't because I live halfway between this call center and another one the company runs (in Kentville, NS), and I just transferred. Everyone else around here was pretty angry or hurt by the situation, and the owner of the company deciding honesty was the best policy, let everyone know exactly what the decision making process was. The following is a list of phrases that could have softened the blow of letting everyone know they've been laid off:

1. Hey, your Moms all died.........just kidding. You're fired, though.

2. Say, did I ever metion how the light brings out the you're fired in your eyes?

3. You guys want some more time to get drunk and watch Green Acres reruns on TV Land? Well have I got good news for you!

4. If you go to the break room, there's a nice heaping plate of you're fired in there for you.

5. Remember the episode of the Family Guy where Peter got fired? Have you ever heard the phrase art imitates life?

6. Ladies and Gentleman.......Mr. Don Henly. Just yankin' your chain, you're all fired.

7. Last year 6 people accidentally asphyxiated using charcoal BBQs indoors. Sort of puts things in perspective. Things like you all being unemployed.

February 09, 2006

The Ideal Job

The following is a list of what I perceive to be the best jobs in the world

1. Test Audience Member for hilarious Cartoons: Getting paid to laugh and urinate in my pants all day would be a dream come true.

2. Professional Ninja: Ninjas have gotten a bad rap lately, but I know that I could eat pizza and beat up rhinos and warthogs with the best of them.

3. Girl Drink Drunk: Sure, It causes you to be homeless, but who cares when you have a soothing Chocolate Choo Choo, or Tequila Sunrise.

4. President of the United States: If I were president, I'd wage war on Burkina Faso. Then there would be no casualties.

5. Vaudeville Piano Player: My piano playing would disctract audiences from performer's debilitating injuries, bringing happiness to all........except those with debilitating injuries.

February 07, 2006


Works on almost any surface inside and out?


The outdoor version of this product has existed for years.

It's called rain.