At Your Own Risk

Cherry Coke Is Hardcore.

May 10, 2006

In Response

To the crazy anti-Canadian guy on the Daily Show last night.

I say, kudos to you, sir. kudos.

You are absolutely correct in saying that Canadians are Leprosy ridden usurpers of the American system.

I should know, because I'm a Canadian.

Not only is it true that all Canadians have leprosy and TB, we also have bubonic plague and smallpox. Not to mention the blue balls crabs and the seven year itch. You see, while highly expensive American health care has cured all of these diseases in the United States, our Universal Health care system is so overwrought with communists, nothing has been done to cure our population. That's why every Canadian seeks medical attention in the US, where the hospitals aren't made entirely of ice.

Canada's silent invasion of the US is often overlooked thanks in part to the noisy Mexican invasion. This was all planned by the Canadian government. They're less likely to hear you coming when you don't cross the border with a Mariachi band.

The eventual goal is for Canadians to overrun America, with their diseases and numbers. There are over 220 billion people in Canada. This is thanks, in large part to the ability of Canadians to reproduce in astronomical numbers. You see Canadian women don't just have children, they have litters. Five to fifteen children at a time. The gestation period is shortened due to the cold weather from 9 months, to 6 days. Therefore one Canadian couple crossing the border can produce a New York sized city in the course of a lifetime.

Americans are doomed to fall pray to our free health care and superior educational system. They're also doomed to have their culture and commerce dominated by Canadian chains such as Eaton's and Simpson's. These chains will surely put Wal-Mart out of business within the next 4 years.

I'd like to caution Americans that it's not our fault we are the way we are. If you grew up with 800 brothers and sisters, you'd have a chip on your shoulder, too. And smallpox.

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