At Your Own Risk

Cherry Coke Is Hardcore.

February 15, 2006

How To Irritate People

Since Wiggie did the self help-post about weight loss, I thought, how can I help people. Here's a few tips on how to irratate people.

Tip #1: Shower them with obviously false praise. If someone does something stupid, like, say, nails themselves to the roof, start praising their intelligence, all the while ignoring their cries for help. Use phrases that make it obvious that you're being insincere, like "You are SO smart" or "My chapter of Mensa is meeting at my house tonight, and they would just LOVE to meet you".

Tip #2: Walk up to a stranger and ask them an inane question, like "Do you know if it's going to rain today?". next, ignore their answer, and re-ask the question in exactly the same tone as you asked it the first time. Continue until the stranger leaves in frustration. At your own risk, you can watch where they go and follw a minute or two behind to repeat the process. Be careful if you choose to follow them. This is "How to Irritate People" not "How to get punched in the Mouth."

Tip #3: While at work, do nothing but sing bad R&B songs off key. When your boss comes to talk to you about it, only respond by increasing the volume.

Tip #4: Walk up to the same sex member of a couple in a public place, and act like you know them. Give them the hint you were in the 4th grade together, and then make them guess who you are. Whatever name they say, tell them they're right. Then, with a big smile on your face, say "Say, you remember when we killed that guy?". When they respond with "no" or "what?", change you expression to a serious one and say "That's right you don't." Then walk away confidently.

1 Comments:

  • At 8:07 p.m., Blogger wiggie said…

    That reminds me of that time we killed that guy.

    Born on the motherfucking Dartmouth streets, yo.

     

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