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Cherry Coke Is Hardcore.

July 05, 2005

On the Difference Between Canadidans and Americans

It was recently both Canada Day (July1), and the 4th of July (the 4th of July), and it seems like a good time to reflect on the difference between Americans and Canadians.

If Canada and the US were bar patrons, the US would be the drunk guy picking a fight with the bouncer, and Canada would be the nerdy crowd with glasses hiding behind the bar. Canadians may be generally smarter than Americans (and that certainly is true), but without Americans we would be overrun by barbarian hoardes. Actually the state of Rhode Island would kick our collective ass if a war broke out.

Canadians have a generally negative view of Americans, but we need America to save our ass. Americans are considered brash arrogant jerks by most Canadians, and while that's true, we've become brash arrogant jerks about not being brash arrogant jerks.

Our distinct Canadian culture was destroyed by free trade when the Canadian business went the way of the dinosaur. It's not the country I grew up in, swimming with Cdn. dept. stores et. all. But the Canada I grew up in liked America and Americans. Kind of like I do. It's not America's fault we chose to give them our culture and country, it's ours.

I would however like to clear up some myths Americans hold about Canada:

-Most of us do not live in igloos

-We do celebrate Christmas in Canada

-We also celebrate Thanksgiving, but 6 wks earlier due to an earlier harvest, owing to the colder climate.

-Most of us don't speak french.

-Our National Anthem is NOT One Hand in My Pocket by Alanis Morrisette, it is "the night Chicago Died " by Paper lace.

-Conventional laws of physics don't apply in canada

-Our Prime Minister is a muskox

-We only have gravity 4 hours a day, the rest of the time we spend desperately clinging to trees to prevent the rotation of the Earth from flinging us into the endless void of space.

-We do have a contained black hole in canada, we call it Hamilton.

That's all for now.