At Your Own Risk

Cherry Coke Is Hardcore.

October 27, 2005

Worst Artists Ever!

In keeping with my negative world view, I thought I'd follow up 50 worst songs with 25 worst artists ever here they are.

1. Faith Hill - Until I found out that Breathe, The Way You Love Me and This Kiss were all by the same, satanic artist Don Henley would have been #1. I didn't realize that Faith Hills level of suck existed.

Worst song: Breathe

2. Don Henly - I know you write that crappy music just to punish me for something, but I can't figure out what. I do know that one day, Don, one day, I'm going to cut off that pony tail......Desperado.

Worst Song: Hotel California

3. Rod Stewart - There are no original parts left on his body. In answer to his question, Do ya think I'm sexy? Manequins do, because they're also made of plastic.

Worst Song: Tonight's the Night

4. Matchbox 20 - This whiny, I'm so in touch with my (fake) feelings crap is out of control. Someone end it and save me.

Worst Song: Unwell

5. Paul Anka: If you look up annoying sycophant in the dictionary.........

Worst Song: Diana

6. Dan Hill: Do you even have a penis, dude? Seriously, which washroom do you use?

Worst Song: Sometimes When We Touch

7. Sarah McLaughlin: She changes the words to the one melody she's written over and over and still DOESN'T STOP SUCKING.

Worst Song: The Arms of and Angel

8. Anne Murray: On the wings of a snow white dove, god sends a metorite crashing into the Earth so no one has to suffer through "Snowbird" again.

Worst Song: Snowbird

9. Tommy James and the Shondelles: You know, I really don't see how anything they did is anything but annoying. What the hell is a Shondelle, anyway?

Worst Song: Crimson & Clover

10. Train: This music is made for people who aren't very smart, let's face it. Also tone deaf. Like the lead singer of Train.

Worst Song: Drops of Jupiter

11. No Doubt/Gwen Stefani: Could the material be any weaker?

Worst Song: Don't Speak

12. Dave Matthews: Friend to anyone who uses drugs. You need to use drugs to find his crap interesting.

Worst Song: Crash

13. Michael Bolton: Well, obviously.

Worst Song: How Am I Supposed to Live Without You

14. Richard Marx: You, sir, are an insult to the good name of Harpo. Wherever you go, whatever you do I will be right there waiting for you (with a gun).

Worst Song: Right There Waiting

15. Bette Midler: Actually worse at singing than acting. And ALWAYS irritating.

Worst Song: From A Distance

16. Leslie Gore: From Sunshine Lollypops and Rainbows to It's My Party, is there anything she can't do? Oh yeah, sing.

Worst Song: It's My Party

17. Phil Collins: Steal Peter Gabriel's singing style and make it lame will you? Look buddy, you just made THE LIST.

Worst Song: You'll Be In My Heart

18. Creed: A lead singer who's a religious zealot, and drug addict. Sound like another Waco waiting to happen.

Worst Song: With Arms Wide Open

19. Kathie Lee Gifford: All of her albums should be titled "Songs in the Key of Hell".

Worst Song: Sunrise, Sunset/Try To Remember.

20. Pearl Jam: I don't understand why they're on this list, Neil Young being my favorite artist. I have nothing against grunge, either, it's just this group that invariably makes me turn off hte stereo.

Worst Song: Jeremy

21. Backstreet Boys: Okay, this one's a gimmie, and too easy. I'll leave it at that.

Worst Song: I Want It That Way

22. Alanis Morrisette: Everything she puts out is a complaint about something minor. I can see why Dave Coulier left her.

Worst Song: Ironic

23. Barry Manilow: He writes the songs that make Santa Clause himself vomit with rage.

Worst Song: I Write the Songs.

24. Celine Dion: A female comic did a whole routine about having to sit next to Celine Dion on a plane. She said Celine smells bad. So, she stinks figuratvely and literally.

Worst Song: My Heart Will Go On

25. Alan Jackson: When he was way down yonder on the Chatahoochie he should have learned not to suck.

Worst Song: The itty bitty song

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