At Your Own Risk

Cherry Coke Is Hardcore.

August 01, 2005

My friend Wiggie

Sounds like the title of a really bad movie, like Rain Man with more whoopins'.....Far more whoopins.

As I sit here at work listening to Journey on a not very busy holiday, I think back on times when I used to write all the time. Now, as you can see from the postings, it's infrequently. However I still have thoughts and insights that would make you head spin.

I don't care how many times they put that stupid echo commercial on the air, you still can't fit a whole damn pit crew in the trunk. Seriously

Drew Carey made being a drunk cool, now Justin Timberlake makes being a sissy cool.

I wish they would put nougat in more things, I wish my pencil's eraser was made of nougat. Then it would make more sencse that I ate it.

The mayor of every town should be a dog. The town charters should be accordingly adjusted to read: Woof, woof, woof, woof.

It would then be made illegal for people to urinate on fire hydrants. Wait, it already is.....lousy democrats.

If Bill Clinton were a color, I'd be drunk.

Leprechaun 2 was far more entertaining than World War II.

Tennis is the best sport to play, except for droolgate. That's a sport I invented where people lie on the couch watching infomercials, and compete for the biggest puddle of drool.

There should be a show about boogers. I'd call it Leave it to Booger, or Seinbooger though.

My page is very, very green

Jeff

2 Comments:

  • At 12:14 a.m., Blogger wiggie said…

    I'd be all about dog mayors, or dogyors, if they don't have dog names.
    Like Mayor Steve Jenkins, but Steven Jenkins is a dog. But he holds no allegiance to a family of Jenkinses, who could shove the mayor's face in a pile of shit if he made in the middle of the living room.

     
  • At 9:48 p.m., Blogger wiggie said…

    I've been trying to re-work the Mr. January concept lately, working on some scripts, because I wanted to mess with some of our old ideas. Problem is, I can't write anything even as not funny as I used to.

    For instance (I renamed the sidekick "Jim Dandy" for lack of a better name, and made Kelly Gruber a rich uncle who funds their superheroics), this is sadly, my best stuff so far:

    Dandy: I hate writers who say they have a “love affair with the written word”. Every time I hear someone say that, I want to punch them in the face.

    January: I don’t know why you listen to Public Radio so much, the people on there just get you all fussy.

    Dandy: I am not “all fussy”.

    January: Computer, is Jim Dandy currently “all fussy”?

    Computer: Scanning Jim Dandy. Confirmed. Dandy is all fussy.

    Dandy: Oh fuck off.

    Computer: No you fuck off.

    January: This computer your Uncle Gruber gave us for the base is awesome.

    Dandy: It doesn’t do anything useful, it just tells us when there’s “danger”, and me to fuck off.

    Computer: Maybe if you’d just fuck off now and then, I wouldn’t have to.



    And I still want to end everything with someone getting shot.

     

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